Worst Customer Service...

This place has the worst customer service… ever. Especially compared to the absurdly polite and thorough help in Japan.

There’s multiple incidents of this in the previous post… There’s the waitresses that ignore you forever until finally, begrudgingly coming over to take your order… And there’s the people at Tesco, who, granted, were doing something (seemingly unimportant) at the time, but when I went up to them to ask them a question, deliberately ignored me. Just pretended like I wasn’t there. Do I need to shove you against the vacuum cleaners and yell my question into your face? Pay attention to me! I wanna buy things from your store… damn…

Operation Package Retrieval

The other day, I ventured down to the international post office to pick up a package for a friend. Oh boy… Czech people are not nearly as helpful as Japanese people – or any other people, for that matter. In fact, they are decidedly unhelpful.

So, I actually find the post office (a good first step) – a disgusting commie-style building. Inside, its even worse – a labyrinth of neon-lit, uniform, tattered hallways that lead to abandoned offices, and… a cafeteria(?!).

I find an employee, show her my slip, give her a confused look that says, “where do I go to pick this up.” She has no idea. None at all. The guy standing next to her (another employee) also has no idea. Do you people even work here? Where did you get those badges?

So, I go to the main area, where there are several tellers behind thick glass. I stand there confused. See a guy pushing a button on a machine. A number pops out. I do the same... 573. This is going to be a long wait…

When I finally get to the teller, I hand her the slip. She tells me to go upstairs. “First floor,” she says (in English, by the way – she was very proud of herself).

I go to the first floor. There seems to be no package-pickup place. Just a dingy cooridor. I listen… Hear talking. Find the door. Knock. Open it. And find two guys in postal worker uniforms sitting at desks. They ignore me. I say “excuse me,” and give my patented “bewildered look” while extending the slip. The guys stare at me. Don’t say anything. I walk toward one with my slip. He takes a look at it for a second and then raises a finger into the air. Up.

I go up another floor. Which way to go? Right or left? I choose right. Walk through the doors. This could be the place… Tellers sit behind glass. People are picking up packages. Things look good. I approach the nearest teller. She ignores me. I say “excuse me” and give her my slip. She looks at it, staples something to it, and tells me to go to the next window. I go to the next window. The woman there knows I’m standing in front of her. Her coworker just told me, in Czech, to go to her. I say “excuse me” and extend my slip. She ignores me. She’s busy with something. She takes her time with it. Doesn’t look up. Only when she finishes does she acknowledge my presence. She takes the slip. Says, “passport.” Uh oh… I am not the person on the slip… Luckily, I, and my cohorts at the TEFL school, had the foresight to forge a letter saying that I have permission to handle all of my friend's business while she is away (complete with forged signature).

Mission: Retrieve Package

Agent: Sooky

Objective: Retrieve package from the clutches of Czech bureaucracy.

Status: Complete

Outcome: Success. Package in Agent’s care.

Notes: Appropriate documents forged. Agent willing to break laws. Justice is on his side.

Dublin

I went to Dublin last weekend to visit Dave and Charlotte! Fun was had. Here are some pictures:

Trinity College



The Spire above the shops off O'Connell Street.



St Stephen's Green.



Howth - it was really windy and rainy.



Us on the cliffs of Howth. Note the rainbow in the background. *wink, wink* (insert your favorite leprechaun/pot of gold joke here)

No, I'm Not From Here

People say I don’t “look American” (I’m not sure what that means, what do Americans look like?). It’s weird, but I blend in in Europe. I’m not used to passing unnoticed in a foreign country… The funny thing is, both in Prague and in France, the natives try to talk to me.

Yesterday, a goofy, disheveled looking Czech guy came up to me and asked me for directions – I shrugged and walked away. It’s not even the first time that’s happened…

In France, the same thing would happen. My friend, who speaks fluently (but, I guess, looks “American”), would initiate conversation with someone, and then the person she was speaking to would turn to me, as if I was the French one.

I must look European or something.

During the TEFL class, we had a conversation about what nationality people resembled. Someone said, “I think you look Jewish.”

“You might be on to something…”

Nantes

Nantes is a city southwest of Paris – about an hour’s drive from the ocean.

It’s advisable that you come here with someone who knows the locals. Maybe, someone who lived here for a year, and lived with three different host families, and has friends. Said host families and friends will be happy to invite you to dinner… and lunch… and dinner again… Eating is the main priority here. Menus will be shared.

You will plan to spend a few days here, but you will end up staying for over a week. So much for plans…

Upon arrival, the people you meet decide to call you “Roger” because “Seth” is too hard to pronounce. You tell them that “Set,” “Ses,” even “Sef” are ok. But they like “Roger.” Oh well…


You will be invited to Christmas Eve at the Amieux residence. The family will be extremely warm and hospitable. But first – Christmas mass – at an amazing old church. The service will not be long. You will not understand much of it. You will be distracted by the architecture and frescos surrounding you. They don’t build houses of worship like they used to…

The main event, however, will be dinner. The menu:

Appetizers: sandwiches, chips, cheese, bruchetta, champagne
First Course: faux grois with bread and fig jam, sweet white wine
Main Course: venison in current sauce, mashed potatoes, salad, red wine
Cheese Course – brie, stinky camembert, bread, more red wine
Dessert: cake
After Dinner… Course(?): coffee and chocolates

Wow… A guy could get used to this…

On Christmas day, Nantes will become a ghost town. No long lines outside of movie theaters. No packed Chinese food restaurants. In fact, the Chinese restaurant will be closed. Closed! Who doesn’t celebrate Christmas around here… Arabs! Today, you will feast on kebobs. Twice. Don’t look so sad. This is Christmas.

The next day: a lunch invitation at Sandrine’s! The menu:

First Course – tomatoes and onions, bread with butter, white wine
Main Course – rabbit, green beans, red wine
Cheese Course – brie, camembert, chevre, butter, more red wine
Dessert – King’s cake

After lunch, take a drive to the coast, where it will be freezing, but scenic.


Dinner at Fabienne’s! The menu:

Appetizers: chips and guacamole, sweet white wine
Main Course: raclette (absurdly heavy), red wine
Dessert: ice cream cake

Seafood lunch at the Amieux’s: But first, an oyster opening class. Opening oysters is harder than it looks. The first thing you’ll need is the obligatory oyster-opening wine (sweet white). You can’t open oysters without it. The next things you’ll need are a knife and a mitt. Hold the knife in you strong hand, and put the mitt on your weak hand.

Step 1: Hold an oyster in the mitt, and jab the knife into the back of the oyster. It won’t go in.
Step 2: Shimmy it, twist, and struggle for a while. It won’t go in.
Step 3: Take a sip of oyster-opening wine.
Step 4: Repeat steps 2 and 3 until the oyster opens.
Step 5: Feel a sense of accomplishment.


You will get six opened while your mentors open, like, twenty. After struggling to open each oyster, you will look up to find the plate with 6 newly opened oysters on it.


The meal will start with (of course) oysters (and white wine – different from oyster-opening wine), then move on to shrimp, crab, and little booger black shell things – bread and butter throughout. When the meal is over, you will think, “Oh good, a light meal…” But then, the table will be cleared, and you will be told to stay put. “What’s happening now?” “Now we have turkey.” Tricked! The whole thing was only the first course…

Second course: turkey (in a cream sauce), potatoes (both boiled and mashed), salad, more bread and butter
Dessert: buttery sugary pastry and clementines
After Lunch… Course(?): coffee and chocolate

People say the French like to eat. This is inaccurate. Everyone likes to eat. The French like to eat well. This difference is very important.

Having not received a proper invitation to attend a New Years dinner party, you will decide to go with your second option: an invite from someone you don’t know to attend a get together in the middle of nowhere, France. There will be three big dogs (people will get scratched) and a salad bowl that may or may not contain salad. To ring in the New Year, you will take the dogs for a walk in the pitch black countryside, passing a champagne bottle amongst you. It will be weird. The next morning, you will be told that you had a conversation about existentialism and extra-terrestrials with someone who speaks no English. You will not remember this. Everyone else you know will also be told this story.

After many goodbyes, hop a plane back to Prague.

Paris

Paris is a beautiful city. You will not realize this immediately. The airport is a hellish mess, and the train ride into downtown will be less than scenic.

When you arrive downtown, you will not have a place to stay. Schlep your bags all over the city. This is the best idea. But, avoid stairs at all costs. They will be trying to kill you.

You will eventually arrive at a cheap hostel. You will not want to stay here. No one should want to stay here. Use their internet to find a better place.

You will find an amazing place. This is their website.

Buy the cheap fare. It buys the same room as the regular fare, only cheaper. Capsules in Tokyo cost more than this…

For the next three days, you will walk around the city. Some things will be closed. Other things will be crowded. This is what they look like:












Leave all the talking to the French speaker. When people look at you for confirmation (you are French, after all) nod knowingly. When you do open your mouth to place an order, you will get laughed at for saying “chocolate croissant” instead of “pan au chocolate.” This innocuous mistake is apparently hilarious and needs to be repeated to every French person you see for the next several days. You are a moron, and everyone must know it.

France

What’s everyone doing for the Christmas holiday? Oh… people go visit family and stuff on Christmas… Will anyone be in Prague? No? Ok…

“Come to France with me.”

Sure. What the hell.

“Oh, you speak fluent French and have people we can stay with? Sounds like a plan.”

Arrive in Paris:

“There is no plan. No one knows we’re coming. But they’ll invite us to Christmas anyway. And give us lodging. They like me. Things will be fine. You’ll see.”

You will see: having big, blue eyes and speaking French will solve all problems.