Operation Package Retrieval

The other day, I ventured down to the international post office to pick up a package for a friend. Oh boy… Czech people are not nearly as helpful as Japanese people – or any other people, for that matter. In fact, they are decidedly unhelpful.

So, I actually find the post office (a good first step) – a disgusting commie-style building. Inside, its even worse – a labyrinth of neon-lit, uniform, tattered hallways that lead to abandoned offices, and… a cafeteria(?!).

I find an employee, show her my slip, give her a confused look that says, “where do I go to pick this up.” She has no idea. None at all. The guy standing next to her (another employee) also has no idea. Do you people even work here? Where did you get those badges?

So, I go to the main area, where there are several tellers behind thick glass. I stand there confused. See a guy pushing a button on a machine. A number pops out. I do the same... 573. This is going to be a long wait…

When I finally get to the teller, I hand her the slip. She tells me to go upstairs. “First floor,” she says (in English, by the way – she was very proud of herself).

I go to the first floor. There seems to be no package-pickup place. Just a dingy cooridor. I listen… Hear talking. Find the door. Knock. Open it. And find two guys in postal worker uniforms sitting at desks. They ignore me. I say “excuse me,” and give my patented “bewildered look” while extending the slip. The guys stare at me. Don’t say anything. I walk toward one with my slip. He takes a look at it for a second and then raises a finger into the air. Up.

I go up another floor. Which way to go? Right or left? I choose right. Walk through the doors. This could be the place… Tellers sit behind glass. People are picking up packages. Things look good. I approach the nearest teller. She ignores me. I say “excuse me” and give her my slip. She looks at it, staples something to it, and tells me to go to the next window. I go to the next window. The woman there knows I’m standing in front of her. Her coworker just told me, in Czech, to go to her. I say “excuse me” and extend my slip. She ignores me. She’s busy with something. She takes her time with it. Doesn’t look up. Only when she finishes does she acknowledge my presence. She takes the slip. Says, “passport.” Uh oh… I am not the person on the slip… Luckily, I, and my cohorts at the TEFL school, had the foresight to forge a letter saying that I have permission to handle all of my friend's business while she is away (complete with forged signature).

Mission: Retrieve Package

Agent: Sooky

Objective: Retrieve package from the clutches of Czech bureaucracy.

Status: Complete

Outcome: Success. Package in Agent’s care.

Notes: Appropriate documents forged. Agent willing to break laws. Justice is on his side.